Mac ‘n Cheeb (Peppered Bacon, also)

 

 

So just so we’re clear, there’ll be recipe, then ramble.

I’m basing off of this on account of “youtube scrolling food vids” and this for the peppered bacon.

Food.. Then Bitching to follow.

Peppered Bacon

Is as simple as it sounds.

Ingredients

 

That’s it. That’s literally how simple that is – same deal for candied or maple bacon as well (albeit..higher smoker risk there)

 

Mac N Cheese

Pioneer Woman’s version, which means “enough for a small army.” Fortunately or unfortunately, that’s literally the only way I know how to cook.

Ingredients

 

1. Cook the macaroni until still slightly firm. Drain and set aside.
2. In a small bowl, beat the egg. In a large pot, melt the butter and sprinkle in the flour. Whisk together over medium-low heat. Cook for a couple of minutes, whisking constantly. Don’t let it burn. (Thus the whisking constantly) Pour in the milk(and a half cup of heavy cream, add about 3.5 tablespoons of butter, and a cup of water), add the mustard and whisk until smooth. Cook until very thick, about 5 minutes. Reduce the heat to low. (I also added a dollop of dijon mustard. because I can)
3. Add paprika, salt, pepper, in my case, a dash of hot sauce.
4. Take 1/4 cup of the sauce and slowly pour it into the beaten egg, whisking constantly to avoid cooking the eggs. Whisk together until smooth. Pour the egg into the sauce, whisking constantly. Stir until smooth. Add in the cheese and stir to melt. Add 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon seasoned salt and the pepper. Add any additional spices if desired. Taste the sauce and add more salt and seasoned salt as needed! DO NOT UNDERSALT. (she’s right. do not. you can also under pepper. taste it. a lot.)
5. Pour in the drained, cooked macaroni and stir to combine. Serve immediately (while it’s still very creamy) or pour into a buttered baking dish, top with extra cheese and bake until bubbly and golden on top, 20 to 25 minutes.
6. Remember there’s bacon in the oven. Panic. Pull it out, crispier than wanted but not burned! Yay!
7. Chop bacon up. Add it into pasta. Stir in vigorously.
8. Serve yourself a bowl. Briefly pause about food sins. Add a dollop of bbq sauce anyways, die briefly from joy at the fucking taste of what you have created. WHAT I HAVE WROUGHT!
9. Nomnomnomnomnom.

Alright. So obviously I added notes and I have…opinions. So let’s get down to the bitching part. I…love mac n cheese. I love homemade, I love Kraft in a box, I love it at restaurants, I love it as shitty little samples at stores. Straight up. It’s a comfort food for me, unless I decide to get ridiculous with it, which I did.

I…do not like baked mac n cheese. Which is what a lot of this recipe calls for. I don’t like what it does to the noodles!! It makes them rubbery. And I have Opinions about any mac n cheese (that isn’t basic bitch mac, obviously, do your preferences) but like, this is my blog so suck it up.

Cheddar and gruyere tho. Gruyere which you get that lovely, nutty aged flavored, that adds to the richness of the egg…fuckin beautiful. And yes, I food scroll YouTube. It can’t be helped, it’s field research and Pandemic Life is still driving me fuckin fruitnuts.

(That said, I still find some of the older ladies of the Food Channel terrifying. What witchery is this, they can have long hair down the whole way while they cook? Clearly, black magic. Guess who cannot do that? If you guessed ‘a goblin’, you are correct, good job.)

The bitch comes in, I suppose, that a, roux are treated as mysterious and scary because seriously, if you can make a tomato sauce, you can make a roux. It’s that easy, and that much attention imo. Early stages require you not burn it. Later stages require you just make sure you stir it.

and b, that I’m gonna bake my noodles. I am not. I do not wish to, it will ruin the moistness (yes, that word, on purpose) of my mac and I don’t wanna. You can do your thing – and hey, if you try and feed me it, I’m hardly going to complain because oh nooo….not…food. Surely, I perish.

Anyways, I’ll try and keep these more regular. I made kickass fudge cake so it’s not like I’m cooking any less.

 

Fish Tacos

Recipe First, then bitching. And there is some.

Out of this recipe, I decided to do fish tacos the other night, since we had tilapia needed using. Quarantine life(Aka wtf do I do with this), I had to work around the “limited lime juice/no limes in the house” handicap.

For the slaw:

• 1 1/2 limes, zested and juiced
• 2 tablespoons honey
• 2 tablespoons avocado or canola oil (I used canola oil)
• 1 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
• 1 1/2 cups thinly sliced red cabbage (about a 1/2 small head of cabbage)
• 5 radishes, cut into matchsticks (3/4 cup of matchsticks) (also did not have)
• 1/4 cup minced red onion
• 1/2 cup fresh cilantro (or this)
• 1 jalapeño pepper, seeded and minced (had a less spicy jalapeno. I think I would do two next time)

For the crema:

• 1/2 cup sour cream
• Juice from 1/2 lime
• 1/2 teaspoon chili powder
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cumin (actually added half a teaspoon of cumin and salt)
• 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt

For the fish:

• 1 1/2 pounds skinless cod fillets (tilapia)
• 1 lime
• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/4 cup cornmeal (did not have, so just based out of flour)
• 2 teaspoons smoked paprika
• 1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 3/4 teaspoon ground cayenne pepper
• 1/2 cup whole milk, heavy cream, or buttermilk
• 4 cups high heat oil, such as canola oil
• 10 small (5-inch) flour tortillas, street taco style

Make the slaw and crema: Zest both limes, then slice in half. In a medium bowl, add lime zest and lime juice from 1 1/2 limes, honey, oil, salt, and black pepper. Whisk to combine. Add the cabbage, radishes, onion, cilantro, and jalapeño pepper. Toss to combine. Set aside.

To make the crema, stir together sour cream, juice from the remaining lime half, chili powder, garlic powder, cumin, and salt. If the crema seems top thick, you can always thin it with a little milk or additional lime juice. Set it aside.

Prepare to fry: Line a platter with paper towels to drain the fish after you fry it.

Prepare the fish and breading: Zest the lime and put the zest on a medium plate, add the flour, cornmeal, paprika, salt, garlic powder, and cayenne pepper. Set it aside.

On another medium plate, add the milk, and juice from half of the lime. The milk will thicken and look slightly curdled.

Cut the fillets on the bias (a diagonal cut) into strips about 1 inch thick, season them with the juice from the remaining lime half, and sprinkle with salt and pepper.

Bread the fish: While you’re waiting for the oil to come up to temperature, dip the fish in the milk, then coat it in the flour, spice, and cornmeal mixture. Bread all of the fish before you begin to fry it.

Fry the fish: Once all the fish is breaded, gently place the fish one piece at a time in the hot oil. Depending upon the size of your Dutch oven, you can probably fry 4 to 6 pieces at a time.

So legitimately, I think this was a pretty good trial run for a first time trying this!

But I have a few personal preference quibbles.

First off; Fuck trying to shred cabbage. Have you tried it? I know I’m hilariously bad at uniform slicing (although not as bad as some people would imply). It’s a fuckin pain. It’s an incredibly woody vegetable and I am salty it took body weight to cut it open. Argh. Headdesk forever.

Second, add more cumin. you’ll thank me. I swear. (Also milk with like, a tablespoon of lemon juice will curdle and work as a substitute of buttermilk. Would recommend a longer soak in it)

Final bitch: I’m not a fan of “fill a whole dutch oven up with oil to fry.”
It creates more oil waste and is more of a pain to deal with and since I’m so smart I dipped a fucking fingertip into boiling oil, clearly I want to work with more.

Ahem.

I used a cast iron and it worked fine. The more you know y’all.

Cheese

I MADE CHEESE U GUISE.

Like fuck all the bullshit going on right now but

I MADE CHEESE?? BY MYSELF??? Ahem. Anyways. Recipe, then Ramble/rant/etc

• 1 gallon whole milk
• 1 pinch salt
• 1 large lemon, juiced
• Add all ingredients to list

Directions

Add a notePrint

• Prep 5 m
• Cook 20 m
• Ready In 25 m

1. Pour the milk into a large pot, and stir in a pinch of salt. Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring occasionally to prevent the milk from scorching on the bottom of the pot.
2. When the milk begins to boil (small bubbles will first appear at the edges), turn off the heat. Stir lemon juice into the milk, and the milk will curdle. You may need to wait 5 or 10 minutes.
3. Line a sieve or colander with a cheesecloth, and pour the milk through the cloth to catch the curds. What is left in the cheesecloth is the Farmer’s Cheese. The liquid is the whey. Some people keep the whey and drink it, but I throw it away. Gather the cloth around the cheese, and squeeze out as much of the whey as you can. Wrap in plastic, or place in an airtight container. Store in the refrigerator.

So, the girlfriend wanted poutine and we did not have curds. But among my random assorted useless skills, I had vague knowledge of how to make cheese so…I was curious if I could replicate making curds. (First research was discouraging; lotta specifically required Things)

And I asked an old chef I’d worked for, who I’ve been shooting the shit with for years for ideas, and he suggested farmer’s cheese, which is closer to paneer. Walked me through pressing the liquid out.

Things I learned; curds are very soupy, cheesecloth is now going to live in my cabinet, and it’s surprisingly easy to just..keep making more. O_o but it does adjust the taste.

Also that it’s surprisingly simple??? Like? Minimal prep and cleanup??

ANyways, I had made the gravy last week with some of the scrapings from smash burgers (cuz brown beef gravy is The Tradition and I can’t get all of it right but some of it I did, dammit)

End result, fucking delicious.

Biscuits and Gravy

Y’all.

Just.

Y’all. This might make some of the top ten of things I’ve ever made. Honest to gods. It’s not as good as the carnitas but it’s good enough I went “oh my god” with the first bite. Ahem.

So biscuits, I drew from this recipe since I’ve tried a number of ways and been comparing notes with an old teacherfriend of mine.

Ingredients

• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 tablespoon baking powder
• 1 tablespoon sugar
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/3 cup butter or shortening cold
• 1 cup milk or buttermilk
• 2 tablespoons melted butter for brushing (optional)

US Customary – Metric

Instructions

• In a large mixing bowl, stir together flour, baking powder, sugar, and salt.
• Grate your butter using a cheese grater and stir into the flour mixture OR cut butter into small pieces and use a pastry cutter to cut the fat into the flour mixture until it resembles coarse meal or sand.
• Gradually pour in the buttermilk or milk, stirring until the dough just comes together.
• Turn the dough out onto a clean countertop and form it into a ball.
• Press the dough flat until it is 1-inch thick. Use a circle biscuit cutter or a drinking glass to cut out your biscuits. Combine leftover scraps and continue re-pressing and cutting until all dough is used.
• Place cut biscuits on an un-greased baking sheet and bake at 425 degrees for about 12-15 minutes, until the tops are nicely browned. Brush the tops with melted butter, if desired.

Notes

PRO TIPS:

• Keep your butter or shortening as cold as possible. Place it into the freezer for 10 to 15 minutes before using in the recipe for extra flaky results. 
• Handle the dough with your hands as little as possible. 
• Work quickly to keep your dough cold. If you need to, pop the formed biscuits into the fridge for 15 to 30 minutes to chill before baking. 

I actually used milk, because I’m too lazy to make buttermilk or buy any. I also want to try frying some of the leftovers. I did stick them, once formed, in the fridge for 15 minutes, and grating the butter made a huuuuge difference in flakiness. Doing that 5ever now. I did not brush the top with butter.

Sausage gravy I’ve actually never made, so I did a few compare and contrast recipes and bastardized this one for my own nefarious purposes.

INGREDIENTS

• 1 pound uncooked breakfast sausage
• 1 teaspoon pepper
• ¼ cup flour
• 3 cups whole milk
• biscuits I used canned, but you can use frozen or homemade as well!
• chives
• red pepper flakes

INSTRUCTIONS

• Bake biscuits according to package directions.
• In a large skillet, break up the ground sausage.
• Sprinkle with a teaspoon of pepper and cook until brown.
• Reduce heat and sprinkle flour over sausage; stir to coat.
• Slowly pour in whole milk and stir until thick.
• Remove from heat; sprinkle red pepper flakes and chives over top. Spoon over fresh biscuits.
• Garnish with chives and red pepper flakes.

So like. I did not have a whole pound of breakfast sausage, and what I had were links. So we substituted by adding two cheddar kielbasa as well. I also diced some onion real fine to add into this (sweet yellow onion ftw), and the rest of some nice sharp cheddar. I also added a metric fuckton of black pepper, and let it reduce and cook real slow.

Gotta say, I’m a fan and I’m not real…into the biscuits and gravy thing usually

Carnitas: So many hours

Whiskey tapdancing jesus. Alright, alright, I know, food first, rant later but OH MY GOD. Courtesy of my mother’s recommend, went with Serious Eats’ No Waste Carnitas and I. cannot begin to emphasize how fuckin kickass this is.

So anyways. The recipe.

Ingredients

• 2 medium onions
• 1/2 cup chopped cilantro
• 3 pounds boneless pork butt (shoulder), rind removed, cut into 2-inch cubes
• Kosher salt
• 1 medium orange
• 6 cloves garlic, split in half
• 2 bay leaves
• 1 cinnamon stick, broken into three or four pieces
• 1/4 cup vegetable oil
• 6 medium tomatillos (about 1 1/2 pounds), peeled and split in half
• 2 jalapeño peppers, split in half lengthwise, stem removed
• 3 limes, cut into wedges
• 1 cup crumbled queso fresco or feta
• 24 corn tortillas

(We had 10lbs of porkbutt. Bounce recipe up to appropriate size. I also added two limes into this)

Adjust oven rack to middle position and preheat oven to 275 degrees. Cut one onion into fine dice and combine with cilantro. Refrigerate until needed. Split remaining onion into quarters. Set aside. Season pork chunks with 1 tablespoon salt and place in a 9 by 13 glass casserole dish. The pork should fill the dish with no spaces. Split orange into quarters and squeeze juice over pork. Nestle squeezed orange pieces into casserole. Add 2 onion quarters, 4 cloves garlic, bay leaves, and cinnamon stick to casserole. Nestle everything into an even layer. Pour vegetable oil over surface. Cover dish tightly with aluminum foil and place in oven. Cook until pork is fork tender, about 3 1/2 hours.
Set large fine-meshed strainer 1 quart liquid measure or bowl. Using tongs, remove orange peel, onion, garlic, cinnamon stick, and bay leaves from pork. Transfer pork and liquid to strainer. Let drain for 10 minutes. Transfer pork back to casserole. You should end up with about 1/2 cup liquid and 1/2 cup fat. Using a flat spoon or de-fatter, skim fat from surface and add back to pork. Shred pork into large chunks with fingers or two forks. Season to taste with salt. Refrigerate until ready to serve. Transfer remaining liquid to medium saucepot.
Add tomatillos, remaining 2 onion quarters, remaining 2 garlic cloves, and jalapeños to saucepot with strained pork liquid. Add water until it is about 1-inch below the top of the vegetables. Bring to a boil over high heat, reduce to a simmer, and cook until all vegetables are completely tender, about 10 minutes. Blend salsa with hand blender or in a stand-up blender until smooth. Season to taste with salt. Allow to cool and refrigerate until ready to use.
To serve: Place casserole dish with pork 4-inches under a high broiler and broil until brown and crisp on surface, about 6 minutes. Remove pork, stir with a spoon to expose new bits to heat, and broil again for 6 more minutes until crisp. Tent with foil to keep warm.

So we had 10lbs of porkbutt, a giant bone in the middle so that we couldn’t cut through and it had to defrost. It was several hours of progress, and I legit wasn’t sure it was going to be any good. Pork and me don’t always get along. As in instant migraine potential.

Anyways, we (because my fabulous partners helped me make this happen) kicked this up to about 300 after letting it defrost all day, and I still haven’t tried the tomatillo salsa yet.

But I forgot how much I love queso fresco. And food is basically my primary form of comfort and things are slightly terrifying because The News. Anyways. We made the tacos, they are fucking fantastic, fuck the news, stress cooking for the win. But seriously, make this if you want a mouthgasm.

“Dessert Lasagna”

Alright, no recipe for today. This here is gonna be a good old fashioned food bitching. (Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are my own and are merely opinions. If you don’t like it, go write somewhere yourself)

It’s what I made the blog for. So listen up, chuckleheads.

Shamrock Shake Lasagna

This shit? This shit is not Lasagna. It’s called fucking dessert. Or cookie bars, or cream bars or any number of things but it’s not a fucking lasagna. You know why? Lasgana is a multi-step pain in the ass, italian, savory fucking food THAT YOU COOK. This is literally a no bake recipe. It’s closer to cheesecake then anything else, except even cheesecake, you fuckin cook. This is the goddamn sandwich arguments all over again. I ain’t having it.

You wanna go on about how is cereal cold soup, knock yourself out, I’ll fight you in the gods damned street, but this abomination May Not Stand.

And while I’m on this particular spleen I’m venting, it’s not Mexican Lasgana it’s called fucking enchiladas, you thrice-damned, inbred, backass bullshitters. Enchildas. Say it with me. You can find it LITERALLY ANYWHERE. It’s super easy to make! You know what it’s still not? Lasagna! Know why? It’s part of its own gods damned cuisine!

This is, in fact, a hill I’ll die on. Fight me.

Peanut Butter and Chocolate

I’m excessively fond of peanut butter and chocolate. So…opted that this was gonna be a cookie day Sunday, since I’m a lazy shit. Recipe, then bitching to follow. Found here

Ingredients

• 2 1/2 cups (318 grams) all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon fine sea salt
• 1 stick (113 grams) unsalted butter
• 3/4 cup (202 grams) creamy peanut butter (I used Skippy)
• 1/2 cup (100 grams) granulated sugar
• 1 cup (200 grams) packed dark brown sugar
• 2 large eggs plus 1 egg yolk, at room temperature
• 2 teaspoons vanilla
• 2 cups (340 grams) semi sweet chocolate chips

1. Preheat oven to 350ºF. Line baking sheets with parchment paper.
2. In a medium bowl whisk together the flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt.
3. In a large heat safe bowl, microwave the butter until melted. Vigorously stir in the peanut butter into the hot butter until well combined. Stir in the granulated sugar and brown sugar until well combined. Add the eggs and yolk, one at a time, stirring well after each addition. Add in the vanilla. Gradually stir in the flour mixture. Stir in the chocolate chips.
4. OPTIONAL: If time permits, cover the dough in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 24 hours but no more than 72 hours. Let the dough sit at room temperature just until it is soft enough to scoop. 
5. Divide the dough into 3-tablespoon sized balls using a spring-loaded scoop and drop onto prepared baking sheets. Flatten dough slightly into disc shapes with your palms. Dot each disc with a few extra chocolate chips for picture-perfect cookies.
6. Bake for 12 minutes, or until golden brown. Let cool for 5 minutes before removing to wire racks to cool completely.Cookies can be stored in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 3 days.

Hokay, so, things I did differently:
-Didn’t fridge. Just stuck on a tray and popped into the oven after rolling them into giant balls.
-Did slice the fuck out of my thumb trying to find the parchment paper. Why? Because cutting blade on aluminum rolls are sharp, as it turns out. Thus, the Household God Sumbitch, who oversees all good things house related, had an offering of blood.

…Anyways, wrapped that in gauze, finished cooking the cookies and did about mm…12-15 minutes? I wanted a little more brown then 12 minutes gives, it had a blonde look. I don’t really liked my cookies too undercooked, I suppose.

End result, nice crust, chewy insides, I’m stoked to see what they’re like tomorrow, but right now, my gods, they are the perfect overlap of both types of cookie. I also took about half the dough, rolled it into a giant ball so I can at some point this week, smash it out in a cast iron and bake it.

Fuuuck yeah.

Holidays, Lasagna and Plague

Alright, alright, I haven’t kept up with this. Not because I haven’t been cooking, or baking (because I have been. Lordy, I have been. Chocolate oblivion truffle torte. Cookies. Cinnamon rolls. Stew. More bread attempts. Shrimp fritters. White sauce chicken pasta. Abusing my roommate’s truffle oil.)

Mostly because Life(tm) happened. First I was sick, then it was finals, then it was the holidays so, I got busy. My apologies. But you’re not here for my excuses, you’re here for the food and bitching about it, so.

My roommate and I were hanging out (read: being dumb stoners) and were watching food videos and ended up on a lasagna kick. This was only enforced by a particularly amusing web-story gone wrong, so, we opted to try a lasagna recipe.

As follows, s/o to random reddit user on AITA:

I will try to give my lasagna recipe. I don’t typically measure spices, I go by smell/taste. So amounts are my best guess.

I start with my homemade tomato sauce. Dice one red onion and sweat it with some butter in a big Dutch oven. While that’s going, peel 6-8 cloves of garlic, and toss those in the pot. I like to toast my herbs and spices too, so I throw in a good amount of dried basil (1/4 cup?), oregano (1-2 tbsp), thyme (1-2 tbsp), rosemary (1-2 tbsp), whole black peppercorns (5-7?), freeze dried onion (2-3 tbsp?), and a good amount of salt. Measurements are estimates, use less if your herbs smell really potent and more if they’re a little stale. Even better if you can get fresh herbs!

Add 4-5 pounds of fresh tomatoes cut into chunks if it’s summer, or 3-4 cans of diced tomato + 1/2 small can of tomato paste if it’s not prime tomato season. I use whatever kind smell and look best at the store. If you’re using canned tomatoes, add a splash of balsamic vinegar or 1-2tbsp brown sugar for sweetness.

Turn the heat to low, and stir frequently until everything is mushy and a lot of water has seeped out of the tomatoes. It should look like very chunky stew. If you have a Parmesan heel, throw that in. Let it simmer on low heat for 1-2 hours. Take out the Parmesan heel, and use a blender or immersion blender to make a smooth sauce. (Pro tip, spread that Parmesan heel on some toasted sourdough, and dip it in your sauce for a little mid-cooking snack). Taste, and add salt, pepper, herbs, and garlic to your preference. I like a fairly sweet sauce, so I often add some balsamic vinegar or brown sugar. Let it simmer for another hour or so. Finish by stirring in a healthy dollop of creme fraiche or sour cream. Enough to slightly change the color of the sauce, but not enough to make it look super creamy or pale. I normally use about 1/3 of the smallest tub of creme fraiche.

While your sauce is finishing, brown 1.5 pounds each of ground beef and Italian sausage. I use grass fed beef as it’s leaner and has a stronger flavor. I also prefer a pork based Italian sausage with a good amount of fennel. I like to add some minced garlic to the meat mixture as well. Set aside, but don’t drain the liquid.

Cook your lasagna noodles. Fresh are best, but if you do boxes don’t use the kind that are “no cook”. I cook them a little less done than normal, just a hair firmer than al dente. You want the noodles to soak up some of the meat juices and tomato sauce.

In a big bowl, mix 24 ounces full fat ricotta, 1 cup shredded mozzarella (shred it yourself, and I prefer part skim), 1 cup shredded Parmesan (shred yourself), 2 eggs plus one egg yolk, fresh chopped basil (maybe 1/2 a cup?), salt, and pepper.

Layer your lasagna. Sauce, noodles, sauce, meat, cheese, sauce, noodles, sauce, meat, cheese, sauce, noodles, sauce, meat, cheese, sauce, noodles sauce, and cheese. Tent with foil, and bake at 350 for about 1.5-2 hours, until the cheese starts to brown a bit on the edges, and you can see the sauce thicken.

Remove the foil, turn your stove up to 425, and add a very thin layer of sliced burrata. Bake another 20ish minutes until the top is browned and starts to crisp. Enjoy!

It’s best served reheated after a day in the fridge, in my opinion. Gives the sauces more time to really get into the cheese and noodles.

Things we did not do:
-Have fresh basil
-Have enough ricotta
-Have burrata for the top
-bake for another 20ish minutes.

Things we did do:
-Make a fucking dopeass sauce for hours at a time while I’m half-dead with a head cold
-Learned how to make lasagna noodles (turns out, none of us had done this before, re: cooking them)
-Made garlic bread to go with it
-Determined that we wanna add the meat to the sauce next time to cook for an hour
-Saved the leftover sauce for the purpose of food later this week.
-Determined we need to have a heel of parm in it, too.
-Found more use for my balsamic reduction. Goddamn I need to make more use of that.

Winter, Yeast and Viking Living

I missed last week. No apologies – I was busy. Last week I made two quiches, an apple pie and stew.

• 

This week, I remade the same stew with das roommate. It’s actually a family thing I got handed because it’s my favorite one, so, ye basic bean and snausage stew, as per my mother’s instructions:

saute onions (I use a yellow onion) and garlic (5 to 8 cloves)- add a bay leaf. Add some broken up sausage. (if you want)

When that’s all browned toss in optional bell pepper.
If using canned beans drain and add – (if using dry you want to soak – I’ll backtrack to that if you need)

I add a big can of tomatoes – if whole I chop them roughly. 1-3 cans of beans to a whole kielbasa or pound of raw sausage. a bottle of beer or glass of wine. more liquid – water or stock – let simmer for an hour. can add some finely cut cabbage or chard or kale

that’s the basic. 1-2 good sized onions and 3-4 fat cloves of garlic

I like navy bean or great northern for this (Have taken to using either of those and red kidney beans)

I like to use kielbasa or smoked sausage – kind you buy in a package in grocery – dearborn sausage co is good, hillshire farm – generally I go with pork for this but can use beef or turkey versions. (KIELBASA. Could also be done with andouille and one of the roommates points out chorizo. as a consummate lover of chorizo, I can’t complain)

obv saute the stuff in some oil – generally I use canola not olive oil for this but either works. (I’ve been using olive oil. I like the taste better)

The other important part of this is I made sourdough bread. I did a sourdough starter for fiveish days (not as good about feeding as I should be. Starter is the basis for which one makes bread) . So I made bread.

I apparently need to fucking rise it in the oven, because I live with a pair of vikings and the house is too cold for the poor yeast. That said, it is a hearty bread and between that and the stinky goat cheese, was a good time.

1. Combine all of the ingredients, kneading to form a smooth dough.
2. Allow the dough to rise, in a lightly greased, covered bowl, until it’s doubled in size, about 90 minutes.
3. Gently divide the dough in half; it’ll deflate somewhat.
4. Gently shape the dough into two oval loaves; or, for longer loaves, two 10″ to 11″ logs. Place the loaves on a lightly greased or parchment-lined baking sheet. Cover and let rise until very puffy, about 1 hour. Towards the end of the rising time, preheat the oven to 425°F.

Tada, bread.

RELATED:

CHEEB

That is all.

Meringue: My Old Nemesis

Alright so, today I got home from Chicago and made lemon cupcakes filled with lemon curd, topped with rasberry italian meringue buttercream.

Woof. Recipes first, then rant.

…Problem being, I kind of winged a lot of this, so I’ll do what I can. I went based off this recipe for the basis of the cupcakes.

For the Cupcakes

• 2½ cups / 6 dl flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• ½ teaspoon baking soda
• ¼ teaspoon salt
• 8 oz 2 sticks / 230 g unsalted butter, slightly softened
• 1½ cups / 3 6 dl sugar
• 2 eggs room temp.
• 3 egg yolks room temp.
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1 teaspoon lemon zest
• 1 teaspoon orange zest I left this out and used 2 tsp lemon zest instead
• ¼ cup / 0 6 dl fresh lemon juice
• ½ cup / 1 2 dl whole milk
• 1/2 cup of sour cream

For the Cake

• Heat the oven to 350. (failure to do this in a timely manner. Why gods)
• In a large bowl,using a whisk, mix flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt together.
• Set aside.
• In a standing mixer, beat together the butter and sugar. (melted the butter rather then softened, be warned, this will change your consistency, immensely)
• Add the yogurt, milks, and vanilla until combined.
• Slowly mix dry ingredients into the wet ingredients until no lumps remain. Batter will be thick.
• Using a handheld mixer and a clean bowl, beat the egg whites until until thick and foamy, about 3 minutes.
• Fold into cupcake batter.
• Divide batter among 12 cupcake liners and bake for 20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. (be wary of cupcake liners, for they should get sprayed down with some kind of grease. also, do like, a bare minimum amount of batter. no, really, less than that) (I also let it back for an extra 5 minutes because it was still very squishy. this caused mine to fall in on themselves. less of a fuck to give about that, in lieu of the whole filling with curd)
• Allow cupcakes to cool completely.
• Using a paring knife, gently cut a hole out of the top of the cupcake and down through the center being careful to not go to the bottom of the cake. (I used my finger, because I’m an abomination)
• Gently fill the cupcake with a scoop of curd and spread a little more all over the top of the cupcake. (oozed curd out of a bag. ahem)

I also added some of my lemon zest directly into the batter. Strong recommend, made it fucking delicious.

For the curd, I followed this out of the basis of my favorite lemon meringue pie. This got exciting, because we ran out of sugar – I also did this bit first, (and doubled it to make some for a friend) because curd tends to need a bit of coddling. Fun part, now I have several jars of curd. Less fun part; boiling curd will shoot directly up into the air. No, really.

• 1½ cups white sugar
• ⅓ cup cornstarch
• 1½ cups cold water
• 3 eggs, separated into yolks and whites
• 4 medium lemons
• 3 Tbsp. butter, softened

1. Grate and/or zest the skin of all lemons into a small bowl. Slice the lemons in half and squeeze the juice into a separate bowl. Remove seeds if necessary and set aside.
2. Mix sugar and cornstarch in a heavy saucepan. Add cold water and whisk mixture until smooth. Heat on medium to medium-high heat and stir constantly while allowing mixture to come to a boil.
3. When mixture begins to boil, continue stirring constantly and allow to boil for 2-3 minutes, letting filling become thick and glossy.
4. Remove from heat and pour about a ½-1 cup of hot filling slowly into the bowl with the separated egg yolks, make sure to be mixing the eggs while the hot filling is being poured in. Return egg yolk mixture into saucepan and heat and whisk until smooth. Bring to a boil again. Boil for about 2 minutes.
5. Whisk in the butter until smooth. Add the lemon juice and lemon rind, whisk until smooth. Pour filling into pie shell and immediately top with meringue.

From there I wanted a rasberry sauce, to add to the buttercream my mother makes which is as follows:
-Take about a cup and a half of rasberries, add to a saucepan on medium low.
-Add several tablespoons of sugar. Gently mash with a spoon and cook down. Keep stirring so it doesn’t burn. Congratulations, your house smells delicious.

And then I made meringue buttercream. This was new, and fucking fraught. By which I mean, I done goofed a few parts. Anyways. Basis of the recipe from here.

• 4 egg whites large, room temperature
• 1 1/3 cups granulated sugar 267g
• 1/4 tsp salt optional
• 16 ounces unsalted butter 454g, room temperature cut into 1-inch pieces
• 1 tsp pure vanilla extract optional, 4.9mL
• 1/4 tsp cream of tartar .84g
• 1/3 cup water 79mL
  

• Beat the egg whites, salt and cream of tartar, slowly add in 1/3 cup of sugar and continue beating until soft peaks form.
• While the eggs are getting whipped add the remaining sugar and 1/3 cup water into a medium pot and place on medium-low heat.
• Stir until sugar melts and becomes clear.
• Maintain at medium-high heat until temperature reads 235-240F.
• Drizzle the sugar into the mixer immediately. At this point the meringue should be at the soft peak stage.
• Run mixer until meringue is cool/tepid.
• Switch to a paddle attachment. Add room temperature butter into running mixer one tablespoon piece at a time.
• Add the salt and vanilla if using.
• Beat until butter is combined and mixture has reached a silky consistency.

Places I fucked up include: I did not keep the butter at room temperature; the kitchen aid was already dirty due my usage on the cakes themselves….annd I do not have a sugar thermometer so this was all done very by eye. Fun fact; if it’s soupy as mine was, stick it in the fridge and ignore it. Surround it by ice. It should come together..better..er..ish.

Ahem.

Now for the bitchery part. Alright, look, I get it. Meringue is fussy. It needs to be treated just so to behave, and if you don’t it falls apart and you are a FAILURE so it’s a fun little experiment in do you have an attention span (I don’t) and honestly, it tastes pretty fluffy so it’s not awful.

But for honest to fuck’s sake, it isn’t that special and I think it gets overcooked when people make it for pie or anything else, and then it tastes vile.

I also am of the opinion a Baked Alaska is fucking vile though, because I’m a horrible little savage. Frankly, I’d eat the stuff with a spoon, or just on top of some curd (Oh..wait. That’s pie. Duhrr.)

This whole recipe was a madcap notion I’ve been bouncing my head for awhile, I definitely want to attempt it again, when I am not exhausted from driving home from Chicago, burning out from school and work, and halfway gone loony from uh. Life.

That said, I have lemon curd in a jar now.

Also I know how to make the rasberry sauce, so I’ma eat it with a spoon. RIP my back and the dishes tho.