Mac ‘n Cheeb (Peppered Bacon, also)

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So just so we’re clear, there’ll be recipe, then ramble.

I’m basing off of this on account of “youtube scrolling food vids” and this for the peppered bacon.

Food.. Then Bitching to follow.

Peppered Bacon

Is as simple as it sounds.

Ingredients

1 1/2 pounds sliced lean bacon

2 1/2 teaspoons coarsely ground black pepper

Preheat oven to 375. Line bacon on a tray that you’ve lined with aluminum foil in attempt to prevent mess. Poke a hole with a fingernail so you’ve undermined yourself anyways.

Bacon should be almost overlapping. Pepper *generously* until your arms start to knot up, one side.

Throw in oven. Realize recipe said 400. Turn it up to 400. Ignore while frantically scrambling around the kitchen otherwise

 

That’s it. That’s literally how simple that is – same deal for candied or maple bacon as well (albeit..higher smoker risk there)

 

Mac N Cheese

Pioneer Woman’s version, which means “enough for a small army.” Fortunately or unfortunately, that’s literally the only way I know how to cook.

Ingredients

4 cups dried macaroni(I had literally no tube or shell pasta, which I’m actually upset about it. Linguine instead)

1 whole egg

1/2 stick (4 tablespoons) butter

1/4 cup all-purpose flour

2 1/2 cups whole milk (Ran out of milk about halfway. Substituted with butter, heavy cream and water.)

2 heaping teaspoons dry mustard (more if desired)

1 pound sharp Cheddar, grated (not pre-grated cheese), plus more for baking (about a cup of cheddar. I did half a cup of cheddar, half a cup of good gruyere. because gruyere is Correct. More on that later.)

Salt

Seasoned salt

1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

Optional spices: cayenne pepper, paprika, thyme, onion powder, nutmeg, hot sauce

 

  1. Cook the macaroni until still slightly firm. Drain and set aside.
  2. In a small bowl, beat the egg. In a large pot, melt the butter and sprinkle in the flour. Whisk together over medium-low heat. Cook for a couple of minutes, whisking constantly. Don’t let it burn. (Thus the whisking constantly) Pour in the milk(and a half cup of heavy cream, add about 3.5 tablespoons of butter, and a cup of water), add the mustard and whisk until smooth. Cook until very thick, about 5 minutes. Reduce the heat to low. (I also added a dollop of dijon mustard. because I can)
  3. Add paprika, salt, pepper, in my case, a dash of hot sauce.
  4. Take 1/4 cup of the sauce and slowly pour it into the beaten egg, whisking constantly to avoid cooking the eggs. Whisk together until smooth. Pour the egg into the sauce, whisking constantly. Stir until smooth. Add in the cheese and stir to melt. Add 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon seasoned salt and the pepper. Add any additional spices if desired. Taste the sauce and add more salt and seasoned salt as needed! DO NOT UNDERSALT. (she’s right. do not. you can also under pepper. taste it. a lot.)
  5. Pour in the drained, cooked macaroni and stir to combine. Serve immediately (while it’s still very creamy) or pour into a buttered baking dish, top with extra cheese and bake until bubbly and golden on top, 20 to 25 minutes.
  6. Remember there’s bacon in the oven. Panic. Pull it out, crispier than wanted but not burned! Yay!
  7. Chop bacon up. Add it into pasta. Stir in vigorously.
  8. Serve yourself a bowl. Briefly pause about food sins. Add a dollop of bbq sauce anyways, die briefly from joy at the fucking taste of what you have created. WHAT I HAVE WROUGHT!
  9. Nomnomnomnomnom.

Alright. So obviously I added notes and I have…opinions. So let’s get down to the bitching part. I…love mac n cheese. I love homemade, I love Kraft in a box, I love it at restaurants, I love it as shitty little samples at stores. Straight up. It’s a comfort food for me, unless I decide to get ridiculous with it, which I did.

I…do not like baked mac n cheese. Which is what a lot of this recipe calls for. I don’t like what it does to the noodles!! It makes them rubbery. And I have Opinions about any mac n cheese (that isn’t basic bitch mac, obviously, do your preferences) but like, this is my blog so suck it up.

Cheddar and gruyere tho. Gruyere which you get that lovely, nutty aged flavored, that adds to the richness of the egg…fuckin beautiful. And yes, I food scroll YouTube. It can’t be helped, it’s field research and Pandemic Life is still driving me fuckin fruitnuts.

(That said, I still find some of the older ladies of the Food Channel terrifying. What witchery is this, they can have long hair down the whole way while they cook? Clearly, black magic. Guess who cannot do that? If you guessed ‘a goblin’, you are correct, good job.)

The bitch comes in, I suppose, that a, roux are treated as mysterious and scary because seriously, if you can make a tomato sauce, you can make a roux. It’s that easy, and that much attention imo. Early stages require you not burn it. Later stages require you just make sure you stir it.

and b, that I’m gonna bake my noodles. I am not. I do not wish to, it will ruin the moistness (yes, that word, on purpose) of my mac and I don’t wanna. You can do your thing – and hey, if you try and feed me it, I’m hardly going to complain because oh nooo….not…food. Surely, I perish.

Anyways, I’ll try and keep these more regular. I made kickass fudge cake so it’s not like I’m cooking any less.