20lbs of Tomato Is More Than You Think

No, really.

No, really.

A lot more than you think. ANYWAYS, I’m basic bitching off some of my mom’s advice (hi Mom!), Marcella Hazan (who should be worshipped as a god for her books both having sections for antipasti, explicitly. Ho-ly shit, bechamel stuffed mushrooms is a Thing and I don’t even like mushrooms.)

And this lady. Which like. To be fair, this is my ex spouse’s fault.

Let’s be clear. My ex spouse contacted me while I was in the depths of one my food madness’ and they got ahold of me like “Hey. Do you want 20lbs of tomato because otherwise they’re going to waste.”

I’m a nice Jewish..creature. I don’t like food being wasted.

Anyways. That resulted in tonight’s madness, because I really did not fucking think about how goddamn many tomatos 20 goddamn pounds of tomato are. So.

(this is, in fact, one of five bowls we had going for prep)

To make tomato sauce from fresh tomatos:

De-stem tomatos.
Boil for roughly 30-60 seconds, blanche (i.e. stick in a bowl of ice water), peel of skin, and then cut up, and cook together until consistency you want. Add vinegar or lemon juice(1/4 – 1/2 a cup) and salt (2 teaspoons, optional)

That’s it. Technically.

However, as I am not a fan of White People Seasoning, and if I’m giving 20lbs of tomato sauce to friends, it’s going to be my goddamn tomato sauce, of which I have many, many particular opinions on this.

So like. Just for the record, I had help. I had three other people in my house, which is a luxury during pandemic, to help me de-stem, blanche, peel, etc. But I was sort of…the organizing factor.

Secondly, this is still my ex spouse’s fault. Faelin, I blame you.

Also mom a little. (Sorry mom, I watched you doing this shit way too often)

So the way I did this was more like..

De-stem etc.
“Roommate, two teaspoons of salt is for 15 pounds, how much, bounced up for 20, for White People?” (Let the record state, I am a goddamn white people, I am not White People for seasoning, goddammit)
It was determined hence, that about a tablespoon and a half for dry seasonings, about 2x for wet (i.e. red wine vinegar, basil infused olive oil)

De-stem, blanche, peel, chop and cook your tomatos.
Periodically apply emulsion blender to and get spattered in the face. Ignore the tomato bukkake, it’s fine. (Don’t google that. Promise me. You don’t want to.)
When finally fucking done adding tomatos to pot (and it is a Horrifyingly Large Stock Pot)
1.5 Tbsp Salt (stir)
1.5 Tbsp garlic powder (stir)
1.5 Tbsp onion powder
1.5 Tbsp rosemary (stir)
1.5 Tbsp oregano
1.5 Tbsp thyme (stir)
1 cup of Red Wine Vinegar (stir)
1/4 Cup of basil-infused olive oil (stir)
Have roommate stand over pot and grind pepper into pot until deemed enough, whilst actively stirring. Do this to prevent pocketing. Dry nasty pockets of spices are gross. Don’t fuckin’ do it.
Additionally added two rinds of parmesan and an entire stick of butter, because I’m a fucking monster. Don’t care, most of this sauce is going in the freezer once it’s canned.
(Or to friends, because this is a lot of sauce)
Allow to simmer on a medium heat through dinner (dinner was steak, shrimp and potatos done spanish style. I’m a fancy bitch when rewarding people for the assist)
Lower down for another hour post dinner collapse. It will make its own tomato paste, scrape the sides for it.

It begins…

Some sauce….

More goddamn sauce

Anyways, we all tried it, and pretty much universally the response was Eyes Bug Out, Holy Shit That’s Good, so I’m calling it a win for now. Pics of jarred product to come. I promise, it’ll be purty.

But learn from my mistakes. 20 fuckin pounds is a lot of goddamn tomato.